What is it like to be an angel mom to a child lost in domestic violence? Every day is like being torn between heaven and hell. You wake up each morning with a piece of you missing and screaming your child’s name. And you go to bed every night thanking God for making it through another day, yet still screaming out your child’s name.
Being the parent of a child who has died isn’t a club that anyone wants to join. It’s an unimaginable horror for most families to even contemplate. Every mother worries about their child becoming ill or getting into an accident. No mother dreams that their child will die at the hands of the person who said they loved them.
For me, I saw the man who entered my house and held my daughter’s hand. The same man sat at the dinner table with our family. He came into our home and celebrated holidays and even bought gifts for us. He promised that he would love and cherish my daughter for the rest of both their lives. I had no clue he would decide when her life would end.
How does this make me feel? You live daily with the fact that you allowed that monster into your home and into your lives for the sake of the love of your daughter.
When you are a mom to a child lost by an illness, everyone wants to rally around and do their part to end that illness. When you are a mom to the child lost in an accident, everyone wants to comfort and console you and tell you how tragic it was. But when you are a mom to an angel lost in domestic violence, people look at you differently. They question your ability as a parent. They question the intelligence of your child. They pity you instead of sympathizing with you because in their heads, they have decided that their child would never put themselves in the position to be in a relationship that was violent. That there was something wrong with the relationship you shared with your child. No one wants to put the blame on the hands of the abuser who took your child. Even in an elite group of the grieving parent – you are an outcast.
But Angel Families of domestic violence are some of the most loving, caring, strong, gifted families you will meet across this planet. We have a special kind of guardian angel on our shoulders. I believe these angels are the most powerful of angels because they still not only comfort us, but guide us to fight on to create a world better than the one they died in. When my angel comes to protect me and others, she brings with her thousands of other angels to fight on my side. Being a mom to an angel lost to domestic violence, you are closer to heaven than any one could ever imagine. There are moments in time that you swear you could hear your angel singing or laughing. Sometimes she feels so close that if I close my eyes, I feel like I’m in heaven with her right at the moment, closer to God than I’ve ever been.
Tears of angel moms are the most special kind. God accounts for every one of them and makes a record. They are not only tears of grief but tears of horror and happiness mixed with pain and joy, thrown in with a little conviction. We cried out alone in the dark for someone, just anyone please understand. We want people to remember our angel and not run away from their memories. We have lost a piece of our souls to pure evil, but we are protected by the pure love for our child.
So what is it like to be an angel mom to an angel of domestic violence? I hope and pray you never understand. On earth we are the lowest of the low but, in heaven we are the highest of the high for God understands what it’s like to have a child who was murdered, and he sends special angels holding our hands.
After reading my heart… I want to say to all my fellow Angel Moms and Dads that you are Heroes and your Angel will be remembered.
To everyone else touched by my words, read about all of our 25 Angels and not only pick an Angel to run for but an Angels family to pray for and send them heartfelt messages of love and encouragement. They are sharing with you the most intimate part of themselves……..their child. There is no greater love on heaven and earth to be shared.
Ashleigh’s Angel Mom & Patience’s MawMaw