Written by: J.D, Survivor
I can see her now, pacing on the delicate eggshells she walks upon. Her bones show in places they never had before. Deep down in the pit of her stomach, there are knots so intertwined they may never dissipate.
She spent just over an hour sleeping last night. Just over an hour of precious time where she couldn’t feel. It took her several hours to fall asleep once the monster’s attack subsided. His voice shut off, yet the volume of his words was painfully loud.
She contemplated another night on the floor of her children’s bedroom. Her only safe place. The fear of waking them was heavier than the fear of falling asleep beside the villain in her story. Somehow an excruciating numbness had become her every moment.
She could feel the thunder of her battered heart, beneath her chest. She could sense the walls closing in around her.
This woman is lost. She is terrified. She is dying a little more with each day that passes. I am watching her decline. I am aching for her. She is blinded. Her mind torn and lost to a world that she doesn’t belong in. He will keep her there as long as he can. He will push her down until she no longer has the strength to make the climb.
If I listen closely, I can hear her screams. I can see her bloodshot eyes covered with cool washcloths. I see her there, carefully applying makeup so that no one else can see her. I didn’t see her then. I see her now.
She believed every word. She held on tightly as if to save her life. Little did she know, she was dancing with the devil. The devil was disguised. He was disguised well.
I can see her hiding from herself. I can feel the turmoil as she justifies his every move. She’s desperate to hold onto an illusion. The illusion that isn’t painful. She’s withering away. A mere shadow of her former self. Where did she go?
She went to hell. He brought the flames.
The lines are blurred as she fights to break free. The pain and fear are suffocating. I hear her gasping for air. I feel her throat closing in. I see her bruises, and I want them gone. I want to heal her body, and I want to rescue her mind.
She’s out now. Spinning in circles. Sobbing with her entire being. Her eyes are wide open. She is in shock. Disbelief. Disgust. Immense sadness. Fear beyond explanation. I’m watching her. I want to go to her and tell her. I want her to feel it. I want her to know safety. I want her to walk down the sidewalk without looking over her shoulder. I need her to know, that he isn’t human. I need her to know that it wasn’t her fault.
The wall between what she knows and what she feels is seemingly tall and strong. One day that wall will come down.
One day I’ll see her, and I have to believe that one day, she will see me.
She is enough.
I am enough.
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